Is feminism really that straightforward?

As I sit home on my days off, I usually catch up on my Real Housewives episodes and read different articles from my favorite online magazines.  I have been coming across more and more articles on how female artists, such as Lana Del Rey and Miley Cyrus (fan girling!) believe in feminism and consider themselves feminists.  While I agree with these two women being feminists, I feel that feminism is not what it used to look like.

To me, I believe that feminism used to be a way for women to rise above their sexual stereotype and not rely on men for support or finances or anything for that matter.  While this still rings true today, I believe that being a true feminist goes back on some of these rules, and being okay with that.

Take Miley for example (we will get to Carrie later I promise).  Miley Cyrus has bursted out of her Disney Channel bubble and has realized her true self as a sort of sex symbol and someone who, frankly, doesn't give a shit about what anyone thinks of her.  Yes, she twerks and sings about sex and practically wears no clothing on stage, which to "classic feminists" would seem like she is telling women that exploiting your body is okay.  

On a side note, if I had her body, I wouldn't wear clothes either.

But back to her thoughts on feminism.  In my mind, Miley is the way she is purely to show women that being who you are and being sexy and loud is allowed when you consider yourself a feminist.  Miley has repeatedly said that she believes that women should be able to do anything they want and to be brave in all circumstances.  She thinks women should be able to conquer any situation they are faced with.  So, feminism seems to be more about embracing all parts of yourself and being confident with them.

You might be thinking, how does this relate to SATC?

Well, I think the idea of feminism, while not always completely spelled out, is definitely an issue throughout the show.

All of the women on SATC wrestle with the idea of feminism when thinking of their relationships.  It came up in one episode when suddenly, Charlotte said that every woman wanted to be rescued.  This statement came as such a shock to each woman because they knew some part of themselves believed it to be true.

Now, this goes against everything feminism says.  A classic feminist would say, oh you do not need a man to rescue you and you can do everything on your own.

While I do believe that the women on SATC thought the same thing and never did need a man, it never took away from the fact that they still may have dreamed of Prince Charming riding up on his white horse to rescue each of them.

In this instance, I don't really think wanting that fairytale makes them less of a woman or someone against feminism.  I think that it is about accepting that every woman wants that to happen to them.  It isn't about needing a man, it's about needing yourself to feel whole, and sometimes another person can help you fill that hole.  It's about loving yourself enough to know that another person completes you and realizing that's okay.

I believe that is what feminism is.  Believing in who you are and not changing who you are to make others happy.  Finding another person to love you like you love yourself just completes the puzzle.

Why Carrie has me thinking differently about Settling Down

I have never been a girl that has thought much about marriage.

When I was little, I didn't have big dreams about a beautiful ball gown or a massive cake or a perfect church to get married in.  I didn't even think about that so called "perfect man."

Even now, I don't really care about marriage.  When I started watching Sex and the City, I admired Carrie, Samantha, and Miranda for dating men and being secure in their relationships, but never wanting to be married.  I never could understand why Charlotte always blew up every relationship into something that could end up in marriage.

Especially after seeing Carrie's relationships, it made me think that marriage wasn't exactly needed to have a happy relationship that was full of love.  In fact, when her relationship ended up heading toward marriage, that is her second time around with Aidan, it completely failed.

Sometimes I think that Carrie knew deep down that Aidan was not the man she was meant to marry, when she knew it was Mr. Big all along, even if she did not think about marriage with him until much later in their relationship.  Other times, I think that she just truly did not want to get married.

Since Carrie is my style and my life icon, I have begun to feel the same way she did about marriage.  I always thought of why the show never really put an emphasis on marriage, rather just loving, successful, and long-term relationships.

Even though Carrie and Mr. Big's relationship wasn't exactly perfect throughout the show, neither of them were crazy about running to the altar.  Let's face it- it wasn't Carrie's style and Mr. Big had already had two failed marriages.  In the Sex and the City movie, Mr. Big and Carrie decided they wanted to get married and Mr. Big totally screwed her over.  Not that Carrie is innocent; even she knew that the wedding had gotten to her head.  The wedding, not the marriage.

In the end, Carrie was married to Mr. Big in a label-less dress with her Manolos in city court.  This is the type of wedding I look up to.

My parents also had a similar situation.  Of course, my dad definitely did not stand my mom up at the altar, but they were planning a huge wedding.  The stress was so intense that they both ran off with their friends and were married in a gazebo in St. Petersburg, Florida.

Even though I am still not sure if marriage is really right for me, that's the type of wedding I want.  One that should be like my marriage: one that is stress free, full of love, and just as fabulous as the Louboutins on my feet.