Fifty Shades of What?

Today will forever be the day that the Fifty Shades of Grey movie trailer was released.

I'm not going to lie, it's pretty freaking hot.  Everyone should give it a little look see.

Now I'm all for this movie happening.  I was not a huge fan of the book, minus the obvious love for the sex scenes, because the writing was just not that great.  When I read a book, I want something that is not complete nonsense.  Well, to me, this book is.  The only reason I will be seeing the movie is to see the hot scenes, actors, and mostly because my friends are dragging me there.

There's more to this blog than me drooling over the parts of the book I did enjoy, but to enlighten some of you.

The part of this story that I hate the most is the lead woman.  Anastasia Steele.

First, let's think of SATC.  One of the reasons I adore SATC is because it is frank and honest about sex.  It does not sugar coat sex or make sex something to be ashamed of.  The four women of the show are open about sex and don't try and make it something it's not.  They understand that love and sex do not always go hand and hand, even though that is the ideal option.

Anastasia Steele is the opposite of the SATC women.  She's naïve and does not know what is out in the world.  The fact that the main man, Christian Grey (swoon), could ever possibly be into BDSM is beyond Ana's understanding.  The thing is, is that Christian's tendencies are much more normal than Ana realizes.

What is not normal is Ana.  The book introduces Ana as someone who is awkward and innocent.  When she meets Christian Grey, she is obviously breath taken, who wouldn't be, right?  But it seems that she is the typical stereotype that has been seen in other movies.  Cosmopolitan even compared Fifty Shades to Twilight, which is not surprising seeing as how the main characters are essentially the same.

This is completely opposite to what the women are like in SATC.  Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda are all interesting, successful, and independent women, who know who they are and are proud of it.  They are not women who just creep along life, but rather stomp through it.

One of the most infuriating parts of Fifty Shades is Ana's first sexual experience.  She starts out as a virgin when the book starts and her first time with Christian Grey, which is her first time ever, is nothing less than mind-blowing, as far as the book shows.

This is some serious crap in my opinion, and the opinion of many women.

There is no way that any woman's first sexual experience could ever be as good as Anastasia Steele.  This is even mentioned during SATC.  A woman's first time is usually awkward, painful, and downright embarrassing.  The exact opposite of Ana's first time.

Carrie even says in the show that she lost her virginity to a guy in high school in a locker room, or something that.  Gross.

I just get frustrated with Fifty Shades because it does not show sex in a realistic way.  It shows that sex is great always.  SATC makes sure to show that that is not the case at all.  With the right partner and with love, yes sex can be everything you imagined, as portrayed by the women of SATC.  But with someone you just met and are even a little afraid of, as Ana is, sex is definitely not all what it is made out to be in this book.

More importantly, Carrie and the other women of SATC, show what real relationships are.  Sure, not all of them are healthy and successful, but the ones that are take effort and time to grow and become something beautiful.  Ana Steele almost seems to be given Christian Grey on a silver platter only because of his twisted fetish.

Of course, out of pure curiosity, I will be seeing Fifty Shades, but it will never be what Sex and the City is to me- something I live and learn and breathe.

Dating: Then and Now

Today we live in an age where there is nothing we cannot get within a click on our phone, tablet, or computer.

Even now, technology is even playing a role in how we meet potential boyfriends.  Dating websites have changed the way people meet others.

Of course there's the usual match.com and eHarmony websites, but obviously those are not meant for people in college.  There really isn't anything for college students to meet other students on the internet.  Or is there?

What most college students by now are thinking about is Tinder.  Tinder is an app that is similar to the very beginning of Facebook.  It's essentially a Hot or Not app that shows the people around you and you can swipe right or left depending on who you like and who you don't.  If you like someone who likes you back, you have a match.  Tinder also pulls information from your Facebook page and shows if you have interests similar to people on the app.

I've read some articles on what people think about this app, and it is clearly not something that you use to find a serious relationship.  It's essentially something college students can use to find someone to hook up with.  Well, I was definitely not up for that.

Some of my friends had met up with guys from Tinder, and I had only talked to a few guys from it.  I certainly wasn't comfortable with meeting up with anyone from this app.

This summer I came across this one guy who seemed really nice and was obviously cute.  We had talked for a while before he asked me out.  I was terrified.  I wanted to go out with him, sure, but it was Tinder...

I decided to keep an open mind and meet up with him.  I did, and it was the opposite of what I was expecting.  I expected to be totally weirded out and scared.  I wasn't.  I was relaxed and was really glad I was dating again.  It had been forever since I had been on a date.  He even asked me out on another date.

I thought I had broken the Tinder stereotype.

Well, I knew deep down that I hadn't.  The next day he told me he didn't want a relationship at all and wanted to be friends.  Yeah, okay, we've all heard that before.

I was upset, naturally.  I felt something for him.  But then I think, was this just me creating feelings because I was so lonely?  I still don't know.

Plus, after really thinking about it, I knew there were red flags all over the place.  I mean, who invites a girl back to his house to "watch a movie" after the first date?

The Tinder dynamic is interesting, why are we so willing to go and meet people on this meaningless app that really is only meant for hookups?

It's simple, really.  Tinder is easy.  There is no way to get hurt.  You don't have to put yourself out there.  It's easier than seeing someone out and asking for their number and have the possibility of getting rejected.

Unfortunately, this is the way our society is heading.  I don't agree with it.  Technology is so good for so many things, but a way to meet people is not one of them.

This all ties in to one of my favorite parts about Sex and the City.  People in that time, which honestly was not that long ago, took the chance and possible rejection to meet someone.  Of course men were afraid, everyone is afraid of rejection.  But, if they weren't going to take the chance, then how would they ever meet anyone?  What would have happened if Mr. Big had never taken the chance and met Carrie and finally asked her out?  We wouldn't have a show people.

Sometimes I think my life would be better without social media or the internet.  I couldn't tell you how much I hate my phone sometimes.  I wish I could throw it out the window at some points during the day.

However, if a man who I had met and completely loved, sent me the Love Letters of Great Men to me in an email, I wouldn't be too upset.

Computers come in handy for expressing yourself to your loved ones.  And that's just it, it is something to use for communication with those you know and love.  Not as a tool for meeting people you would never otherwise meet.  I just hope that I can find someone in real life and not through a computer screen.

Is feminism really that straightforward?

As I sit home on my days off, I usually catch up on my Real Housewives episodes and read different articles from my favorite online magazines.  I have been coming across more and more articles on how female artists, such as Lana Del Rey and Miley Cyrus (fan girling!) believe in feminism and consider themselves feminists.  While I agree with these two women being feminists, I feel that feminism is not what it used to look like.

To me, I believe that feminism used to be a way for women to rise above their sexual stereotype and not rely on men for support or finances or anything for that matter.  While this still rings true today, I believe that being a true feminist goes back on some of these rules, and being okay with that.

Take Miley for example (we will get to Carrie later I promise).  Miley Cyrus has bursted out of her Disney Channel bubble and has realized her true self as a sort of sex symbol and someone who, frankly, doesn't give a shit about what anyone thinks of her.  Yes, she twerks and sings about sex and practically wears no clothing on stage, which to "classic feminists" would seem like she is telling women that exploiting your body is okay.  

On a side note, if I had her body, I wouldn't wear clothes either.

But back to her thoughts on feminism.  In my mind, Miley is the way she is purely to show women that being who you are and being sexy and loud is allowed when you consider yourself a feminist.  Miley has repeatedly said that she believes that women should be able to do anything they want and to be brave in all circumstances.  She thinks women should be able to conquer any situation they are faced with.  So, feminism seems to be more about embracing all parts of yourself and being confident with them.

You might be thinking, how does this relate to SATC?

Well, I think the idea of feminism, while not always completely spelled out, is definitely an issue throughout the show.

All of the women on SATC wrestle with the idea of feminism when thinking of their relationships.  It came up in one episode when suddenly, Charlotte said that every woman wanted to be rescued.  This statement came as such a shock to each woman because they knew some part of themselves believed it to be true.

Now, this goes against everything feminism says.  A classic feminist would say, oh you do not need a man to rescue you and you can do everything on your own.

While I do believe that the women on SATC thought the same thing and never did need a man, it never took away from the fact that they still may have dreamed of Prince Charming riding up on his white horse to rescue each of them.

In this instance, I don't really think wanting that fairytale makes them less of a woman or someone against feminism.  I think that it is about accepting that every woman wants that to happen to them.  It isn't about needing a man, it's about needing yourself to feel whole, and sometimes another person can help you fill that hole.  It's about loving yourself enough to know that another person completes you and realizing that's okay.

I believe that is what feminism is.  Believing in who you are and not changing who you are to make others happy.  Finding another person to love you like you love yourself just completes the puzzle.

Why Carrie has me thinking differently about Settling Down

I have never been a girl that has thought much about marriage.

When I was little, I didn't have big dreams about a beautiful ball gown or a massive cake or a perfect church to get married in.  I didn't even think about that so called "perfect man."

Even now, I don't really care about marriage.  When I started watching Sex and the City, I admired Carrie, Samantha, and Miranda for dating men and being secure in their relationships, but never wanting to be married.  I never could understand why Charlotte always blew up every relationship into something that could end up in marriage.

Especially after seeing Carrie's relationships, it made me think that marriage wasn't exactly needed to have a happy relationship that was full of love.  In fact, when her relationship ended up heading toward marriage, that is her second time around with Aidan, it completely failed.

Sometimes I think that Carrie knew deep down that Aidan was not the man she was meant to marry, when she knew it was Mr. Big all along, even if she did not think about marriage with him until much later in their relationship.  Other times, I think that she just truly did not want to get married.

Since Carrie is my style and my life icon, I have begun to feel the same way she did about marriage.  I always thought of why the show never really put an emphasis on marriage, rather just loving, successful, and long-term relationships.

Even though Carrie and Mr. Big's relationship wasn't exactly perfect throughout the show, neither of them were crazy about running to the altar.  Let's face it- it wasn't Carrie's style and Mr. Big had already had two failed marriages.  In the Sex and the City movie, Mr. Big and Carrie decided they wanted to get married and Mr. Big totally screwed her over.  Not that Carrie is innocent; even she knew that the wedding had gotten to her head.  The wedding, not the marriage.

In the end, Carrie was married to Mr. Big in a label-less dress with her Manolos in city court.  This is the type of wedding I look up to.

My parents also had a similar situation.  Of course, my dad definitely did not stand my mom up at the altar, but they were planning a huge wedding.  The stress was so intense that they both ran off with their friends and were married in a gazebo in St. Petersburg, Florida.

Even though I am still not sure if marriage is really right for me, that's the type of wedding I want.  One that should be like my marriage: one that is stress free, full of love, and just as fabulous as the Louboutins on my feet.

The Knockoff

Oh, one of my very favorite topics to discuss: shoes.

Shoes are basically my favorite accessory because they can bring a new and beautiful addition to any outfit.  They add pops of color, height, and confidence to a woman's look.

A woman must know, however, the right kind of shoe.  Sure, all women have different price levels, but let's be completely honest.  Christian Louboutin and Manolo Blahnik trump all other shoe designers.

Of course, I can't afford to have a closet full of those beauties, even though I am lucky enough to have just one gorgeous red-soled shoe grace my shelves.  But, I know what the affordable and quality shoe designers are.  It is necessary to understand that a woman's life depends on the shoes she wears. Regardless of if a woman can afford a patent leather Louboutin or not, one should not be buying shoes from the sale rack at Payless, just because they are cheaper.

Shoes and relationships can go hand in hand.  When one thinks about it, a shoe is just as important in a woman's life as her other half.  If one has good taste and waits to buy those classic patent leather Manolo mary-janes that Carrie believed were the "urban shoe myth", then she is also likely to have the patience and realization that a good man comes with time.  Now, if you are willing to pay for those $10 sandals from Payless, then you are going to end up with trash on your feet and on your arm.

I will be honest, I have bought cheaper pairs of shoes before, but I usually just needed them in a bind, or they were an impulse buy.  And there are exceptions.  I bought nude heels from Target years ago, and they have now just started to wear out.  On the other hand, the most uncomfortable pair of shoes I own are from Target.  So, there are both sides.

But generally, I feel that shoes that are well made and gorgeous, are worth the time and money.  Sure, Carrie needed to work harder to make money for the shoes she wanted, but in the end it was absolutely worth it.  The same thing goes for men.  When a woman wants a real man, she waits for it.  She does not settle for the cheap thing that is easy to find.

Remember, a knockoff may last a few years, the real thing lasts a lifetime.

My Own Berger Experience

Jack Berger.

Certain publications have actually ranked him high on the list of Carrie's boyfriends.

To me, and most women who are religious watchers of Sex and the City, Berger has to be the worst possible boyfriend in Sex and the City history.

Berger seemed nice at first.  He was funny, smart, cute, and a writer like Carrie.  Carrie was consumed with him and wanted to date him immediately.

Part of me thinks she was only lonely, something she claimed at her book party, but I can see her attraction to him.

However, it was clear from the beginning how wrong he was for her and in life.

First, he collects playing cards and must sleep with a sound machine, courtesy of his ex.  Red flags, anyone?

His true colors begin to show as their relationship continues.  As Carrie's book becomes more and more successful, Berger begins to be threatened by her success and honestly just looks like a weak man who can't stand to be around strong and powerful women.  Which I experience on a daily basis, and it is absolutely demeaning and frustrating.

I am still very confused as to why she wanted to be with him.  Not only is he a total jerk and scared of women who are opinionated, but he also was not good in bed and they had to make the bed a restaurant in order to have good sex.  Big freaking red flag.

But, the absolute worst thing that Berger did was how he broke up with Carrie.

Need I say more?

The Post-It Note break up has got to be the worst break up in history by any lowlife scumbag man.  I mean honestly, how can you end any relationship by bringing a woman flowers, staying the night, and then disappear the next morning only leaving a post-it note saying you "can't".

I actually never thought I would have an experience like this, but I have.  It's completely hurtful and childish.  

Sigma Kappa had a date party just last night and I had a date and everything.  He was cute and seemed really nice and seemed excited.  We had talked for a few days and we were getting along great.  He even said so!  So when I did not hear from him yesterday at all, I was totally humiliated.  I think guys think I want some serious relationship or marriage when all I want is someone to talk to and go to socials with.  Literally last minute, this guy bails after not speaking to me, when I had tried to contact him.  No apologies, no nothing.  Haven't heard from him since.  

I went to the date party anyway because I can't change who I am.  I am opinionated, smart, aggressive, and a little bitchy.  Okay, a lot bitchy.  But I am not the ideal girl that these boys go after.  You know the ones, the girls who have zero brains and nothing to say and just stand there next to some boy and look pretty.  

See, that's not me.  That's not Carrie, either.  We are both strong and smart women who speak their minds and that is nothing to be ashamed of.

So, instead of messing around with these boys who will never want me, I just have to wait for the right man who will love my sick sense of humor, my sometimes obnoxious nature, and my opinions.  

Also, boys only break up with girls through a Post-It or text.  Men would never let you go.

Some are just not worth it.

Men. Or boys.

I feel as if I have only come across boys at my time at UT.  There is no such thing as men on this campus... or at least not in my experience.  It's incredibly frustrating.  Especially when I know that this thing called "man" does exist.

Examples: my dad, my best friends' boyfriends, and just genuine guys that are my friends, but neither of us are interested in each other in that way.

I am a wild and strong personality and am confident in the way I come across to people.  I curse too much and spill things on myself and speak my mind.  I am too forward when it comes to boys, but honestly it's because they are just that-- boys.

A man would never let me be forward because they would come up to me first, right?  My friends tell me how they met their boyfriends, or in the words of Carrie, "man friend" (which sounds like a dog, as said by Big), and I know that their relationships started because of the man.

But, I am someone who goes for what I want in all aspects of life, whether it is school, in my sorority, and yes, boys.  So, boys are taken aback when I go after what I want.  My strong personality that has been with me ever since I was little, and one I cannot get rid of scares off these boys.

It is incredibly annoying.

And of course, I always think it's me.  But, I know it's not at the same time.

I just have to wait.  One of my best friends had waited for such a long time and is the happiest she has ever been because she met the man of her dreams.

At this point, I just want to focus on my sisters and family.  They are the ones that truly care about me.  And of course... why do we always focus on the thing that we don't have when all of the things we do have are fabulous?

Plus, let's be honest.  Men will never fulfill you as much as the bond you have with your friends.  The bond I have with my sisters, even through fights, is stronger than any other relationship I ever had, other than with my family.  Through everything, they are there for me at my best and worst.  When I'm feeling lonely, I remember they are my soul mates.

SIGMA LOVE AND MINE.

--Samantha